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[07 Feb 2006|11:09pm] |
I know. I'm ungrateful.
But something is missing.
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[02 Feb 2006|10:40pm] |
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Senior year is getting better and better, with the exception of Senior Banquet, which was possibly the worst night of the year. Not the banquet itself, which was fun, if only because I love to dance. Events like this make the fact that we are graduation more real, and it scares me. I've always hated change.
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[18 Dec 2005|08:15pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Playlist Courtney made me. |
] |
I'm supposed to be writing my college essay right now. I really have to do that. But I can't focus lately. Okay not lately, since like May.
My eighteenth birthday was absolutely amazing. I arrived at school to find a birthday crown and a poster waiting for me in my locker. Then during fourth period, Courtney and Jeanne visited me in physics with a box of Dunkin Donuts. In English, Andrea gave me a card from Bryan Valentine. And throughout the day I got lots and lots of birthday hugs and such and it made me happy that so many people remembered and stuff. After school BreeAnna came over and we took a nap before the other girls got here. Courtney, Jeanne, and Sara came for pizza and cake. Mrs. McNamara made me a cake! The girls gave me the most gorgeous jewelery box (engraved and everything!) and the funniest little picture book. The whole night made me so happy because I had all of my favorite people around me. I felt really cared about and safe and I absolutely love my friends.
Friday night was Johnny's (Happy 18th!) and then back here to get drunk with the girls (minus Bree :( ) which was amusing.
Last night I was all set to stay in when I got an urgent message to "put clothes on and be at Starbucks in 15". So I met up with Bree and we ended up driving around with Jared and Kyle for the rest of the night. We were a pretty random group, but that only made it more fun. We got to see the Santa Fire Engine Parade, which made my night. I thought I was going to miss it this year. It's been pretty late in coming this year, but I'm pretty sure my Christmas cheer is here! This is always my favorite time of the year. I am so excited for Christmas break and being able to hang out with my best friends every day without worrying about school.
It's wierd because I don't even remember how we first became "The Five". I know it was in the middle of the summer but I feel like we'be been close forever. We're all so different but we get along so well. I don't know where I would be without these girls.
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[14 Dec 2005|08:45pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg - Ain't Nothin But A G Thang |
] |
I'm going to be 18 tomorrow. That sounds so much older than 17. Maybe not, I'm just weird. But I'm legally an adult, which is absolutely rediculous.
I stole this from Allie:
( I'm addicted to these now. )
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[09 Dec 2005|02:35pm] |
I'm sick of the drama.
I'm not trying to do anything except maybe be nice.
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| Ten Truths and Ten Lies |
[26 Nov 2005|07:47pm] |
In no particular order...
- I hate high school.
- I am too trusting.
- I'm so grateful for my best friends.
- I don't like drinking.
- I miss being in love.
- I finished applying to college.
- I am not a confident person.
- I love hanging out with new or random people.
- I want to stay home for college.
- I get along well with my brother.
- I love winter.
- I don't actually like very many people.
- I'm very outgoing.
- I didn't have fun this weekend.
- I am only attracted to boys that I can't have.
- I have good judgement.
- I'm excited about my birthday.
- I've been regretting less and less lately.
- I feel like things are changing, with myself and with others.
- I know what I'm getting everyone for Christmas.
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[11 Nov 2005|12:48am] |
I want so much more than this. There was actually a time when I had everything I could've possibly wanted. So maybe my time's up?
This year is already moving too fast and it's breaking my heart.
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[30 Oct 2005|10:12pm] |
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I really liked this weekend. Or what I can remember of it anyway.
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[18 Oct 2005|09:37pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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At the moment, I think I'm staying home for college. I can most likely get a full academic scholarship to St. Joseph's, which is a really good teaching school. And since I want to be a special ed teacher, that would work out well. My parents are also going to buy me a new car, pretty much whatever kind I want. They're not going to set any rules for me even though I'll be living home. It's not a bad deal. I also love my family. And my job. I've been pretty down lately but working always puts me in a better mood. I don't know what I'd do if I was away at college without my job or being able to talk to my mom. And I had planned to stay home all along, since like 9th grade. I just think it would be the right decision for me. A lot of people disagree, saying the "college experience" is more important, but not to me. I'm not going to base my future on what other people think is right. But I'll probably change my mind again in a few days. I don't know.
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| Rain rain go away... |
[14 Oct 2005|07:32pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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music |
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Stars - Elevator Love Letter |
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I don't think I've updated in a while. I don't even know what to say. I just feel so ... blah. We've had off so many days the past few weeks and I've stayed in for more than half of them. I could've gone out. I just didn't. I've been perfectly fine with staying in and watching Law and Order with my mom. And that's pretty wierd because since June I've spent more time out of my house than in. And now, here I am. Bree's trying to get me to come out and drink tonight but I don't even wanna move out of this chair. I feel like I haven't talked to her, or anyone for that matter, in the longest time. And I know if I went out I'd probably have a great time but I don't have any motivation to go. I usually love parties. I hate these moods that I get, and they usually don't last this long. I guess it could be the rain. But I think it's just me. I've gotten so antisocial and I just want to stay in bed and read or watch tv and think about the past, which is NOT GOOD. And this wasn't even triggered by anything, it's just here and I don't know how to make it go away.
The good thing is I've been focusing on schoolwork and college stuff and actually accomplishing things. I visited Manhattan College, Sacred Heart, and Marist. I loved Sacred Heart just for the whole feeling I got when I was there. I need a small school, and it just seemed like it had a lot to offer that I would really like in a school. I just feel like there's so much pressure for me to apply to like an Ivy League because of my grades and my classes and stuff. But the whole prestigious university thing isn't for me. I feel like I'd get lost at a huge school. I don't care if it's not a super competitive school as long as I'm happy there. I just feel like I have to prove something or live up to someone else's standards. My parents are being awesome about it though. They don't care where I go, as long as I'm happy. Well that's what they tell me even though they're making it really tempting to stay home: no rules, a new car (most likely), and freedom to live at my summer house whenever I need to get away. That makes the decision even harder, because I think I'd be okay no matter where I end up, either here or away.
Okay this entry is way to long, and no one's going to read the whole thing. I don't think anyone reads it at all actually. But writing all this down was pretty good for me. Sorry for wasting space on friends pages.
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[29 Sep 2005|10:14pm] |
Okay I HATE college.
I'm dropping AP Calc.
Senior year is not fun.
I want to be happy again.
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| If I ever feel better, remind me to spend some good time with you. |
[18 Sep 2005|11:29pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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Pheonix - If I Ever Feel Better |
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I don't like the way things are right now.
I don't like the way I am right now.
I work too much, 2 jobs, 4 days a week.
I don't even see my friends enough as it is.
That is not the senior year I wanted.
I'm taking on too much. Whatever.
I need money for a new car so I don't die in this one.
I get jealous too easily.I think..
I don't even know if it's jealousy or something else.
I know I'm second-, third-, fourth-best. At everything.
And it makes me sad or angry or gahhh.
For once I just want to be happy and feel good about something.
I had the worst dream last night and it made me want so much more.
It made me want the way things used to be a long time ago.
Sorry for the self-pity entry.
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| Sorrow drips into your heart through a pin-hole; your love is gonna drown. |
[11 Sep 2005|09:51pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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The new Death Cab CD is amazing. |
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This is a kind of overdue end-of-summer entry. And a hey-senior-year entry.
Summer 05 was probably the best summer I've had in a while. I can only think of one other recent summer that may have rivaled this one in happiness, I don't know. Anyway from beginning to end, I loved this summer. Sure there was some drama but that's to be expected I guess. August was my favorite part of the summer. I got so close with 4 of the most amazing girls you'll ever meet. I've never felt so much like I belonged. And that makes me so so happy. I also started hanging out with the most random kids ever, and it's kinda sketchy but it's fun, I don't know.
Senior year, wow. I can't believe this is it. After this year life will be totally different. I realized that a few weeks ago, watching everyone say goodbye. We actually have to grow up this year. So far it's turning out to be a great year, even though we're only like 4 days in. My schedule's pretty good. The only thing that would make it better would be to have a class with BreeAnna, but we're together enough that it really doesn't matter that much.
I wish I had a boy. Most of my friends do and I'm not gonna lie, it makes me jealous. I'm sick of being alone, I was all summer, but I wanted that. Not anymore though. But there aren't even any possibilities.
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[16 Aug 2005|12:32am] |
I will turn 18 four months from today.
I will be old. I don't wanna be old.
Jeanne says: you're old... when you die I'll still have a few months left to live.
Jeanna also says I'm a pusssayy. And I am.
Goodnight.
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thatwasthelife's journal